When tragedy strikes we try hard to find slivers of beauty and light in the midst of all the pain. After the crash at Calabasas that robbed the world of nine beautiful lives, including Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, one of the brightest lights that have emerged is the relationship Kobe had with his daughters.
The image of Kobe planting a kiss on his daughter Gianna’s forehead courtside will be an enduring emblem of a man who described himself as “psychotic” about making sure he had quality time with his family. His excitement about being a “girl dad” has also gifted us with a social media trend of fathers professing their love for raising daughters.
But as tender and touching as daddy/daughter pictures are, we’re missing an important point if we focus on Kobe as a #GirlDad but not as a #BlackDad: black dads go to great lengths to love and support their kids.
If that statement doesn’t land well on your ears it’s probably because black dads are too often maligned and mischaracterized in the public discourse. We are regularly fed the image of black fathers as absent and apathetic. We are bombarded with what Dr. Ivory Toldson has called “BS” or “bad stats” that claim there are more black men in jail than in college when there is clear evidence this is false.
Even as President Obama demonstrated for the world what it looked like to be a loving and engaged #BlackDad, he continued to feed the narratives about black fathers as he assailed black fathers in a speech as “missing from too many lives and too many homes” who have “abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men.”
According to the book All In by Josh Levs, about 2.5 million out of 4.2 million Black fathers live with their children. And this number would likely be much higher if our school and criminal justice systems were not working so well together to ensure around 750,000 black males are incarcerated.
Research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention tells us that black fathers are “more involved with their kids on a daily basis than fathers from other racial groups.” The same study also found that 70% of black dads said they bathed, diapered or dressed their kids every day compared with 60% of white fathers. Black fathers who lived with their young children were more likely to read to their children daily than white fathers. The Pew Research Center has also found that black fathers who live with their children are more likely to be stay-at-home fathers than white or Hispanic fathers.
I share these statistics not to ignore the fallibility and issues among black fathers. Rather, these statistics simply grant black fathers what society gives freely to white fathers: the ability to present a fuller picture of their existence.
Out of tragedy we now get a window into Kobe Bryant as the #BlackDad who used to sing his daughters “silly songs in the shower and continue making them laugh and smile as he lathered them in lotion and got them ready for bed.” Or the tender-hearted Kobe Bryant who enjoyed watching tearjerkers with his children.
In my home, I get to be the #BlackDad who binge-watches episodes of Sophia the First with my daughter; studies curly hair instructional videos on Youtube to style my daughter’s hair; chauffers my children between Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, ballet and basketball practices; and reads Curious George books over and over with my son.
And I know so many other black men who have their own beautiful #BlackDad stories that do not fit the lazy narratives about black fathers.
When we recognize that Kobe Bryant was a #BlackDad as well as a #GirlDad, it might become easier to see the many black fathers around us who show new dimensions of themselves as they care for their precious children.
