“Fear-setting” and settling in after two months in Ukraine

We’re at our 2nd month mark here in Ukraine and I’m back with another update. While we have started settling into some routines here, we’re still exploring and figuring out so much. Thankfully, we’re all well, the 3PAC are adapting smoothly, and Tatiana and I are tackling any challenges as a team.

Here are some of the highlights and reflections from our second month: 

Fear-setting: I read Daniel Prince’s book Choose Life: The Tools, Tricks, and Hacks of Long-Term Family Travellers, Worldschoolers and Digital Nomads ahead of our move to Ukraine. In the book, he references Tim Ferris’ concept of “fear-setting” from The Four-Hour Work Week. Fear-setting is a process of making a list of what you are afraid will happen if you make a decision or take an action. As I look back at our first few months in Ukraine and all of the fears/worries we had prior to the move, I’m reminded how important it is to name our fears and realize how unfounded most of them are. Tatiana was worried about how we would travel around smoothly and safely in Ukraine. We ended up securing transportation in just a week. I was worried about how much relocation would cost and it was ultimately manageable. I have new fears now that we’re here (e.g. one of the kids needing to go to the hospital) but we’ll plan, pray, and do our best to not let them hold us back.

Can’t stop, won’t stop: During the months leading up to our relocation we had to field questions from TeenSHARP funders, TeenSHARP parents, etc who were concerned about the leadership void our relocation would provide. Before ultimately denying our funding request one funder asked… “Can you speak to the future leadership of the organization….how do you anticipate providing that leadership while you’re away?” We continued to remind folks that it is 2021, it’s more than possible to do business over international waters, and our commitment-level is unquestionable. But seeing is believing for some! As predicted, our work has continued on pretty seamlessly. TeenSHARP is having its best fundraising year in 12 years, our senior class of over 100 students is racking up amazing admissions and scholarship results, and I’m facilitating new cohorts of The Proximity Project. I recently joined the board of the Center for Education Policy Research at Harvard, we’re doing media interviews from here, we’re planning national conferences, and we’re finding ways to make an impact despite the distance. It’s not easy but it never was. Next question.

Black hair care prayers answered: During one of our bedtime prayers this month, Nazar snuck in a surprise request for God: to get a haircut. Well his prayers were answered and we found Edy’s Hair Planet this month in Kyiv.  Nazar received his second haircut (ever) and it only costs 200 грн (Ukrainian hryvnias) which is about seven US dollars!

Edy (our new barber) is the owner of Edy’s Hair Planet which has two locations in Kyiv. Edy’s barber shop is a place where you’ll run into professional basketball players, footballers, and African immigrants. I hadn’t seen many black people during my first two months (except for the brotha who reciprocated a brotha nod in a restaurant in Kyiv) but it feels like all black guys in Kyiv converge on this barbershop. 

Edy came to Ukraine from Nigeria a decade ago for his studies in Luhansk. He has accumulated a few degrees and is now completing his PhD in law. He picked up cutting hair as a hobby and it grew from there. Edy and a bunch of African immigrants who were living in Luhansk were displaced as that part of Ukraine is currently a war zone. Edy and a few others in the barber shop shared how they left all of their belongings in Luhansk and had to start all over in Kyiv and other cities in Ukraine. It was an extremely tough journey but I’m glad to see that things are going well with Edy and “the planet.” 

“Ukraine is for people:” One of the phrases Tatiana’s mother used to say when she visited us was “America is for people.” She would say that whenever she experienced something— at a restaurant or store— in America that she felt was very customer-centered. She would also say “horosho sidim” which means “sitting good/well” when she felt we had a dinner or experience that was fancy, classy, or just a really good time. I so wish she could be with us to experience all the “Ukraine is for people” or “horosho sidim” moments we are having in her own country! Our favorite restaurant at the moment is Бістро Пекаря Межигір’я. The food is amazing but it’s the fact that they have a playroom with a babysitter on the premises to watch kids that is a game changer for us. I think your food also tastes better when someone is engaging your three children long enough for you to focus and eat.

Language learning: At some point during the month, Taras was trying to play with one of Nazar’s toys and Nazar asserted himself: “Я не хочу! Я не хочу!” (“I don’t want to!”). Language immersion is working its magic and the 3PAC are learning and trying out new words in Ukrainian or Russian every day. Zoryana was frustrated by the language barrier at school during month one (and still gets frustrated at times) but she’s having much more fun with language learning now. She has learned a few poems and she enjoys making videos for her friends in America introducing them to Ukrainian. Nazar enjoys counting in Ukrainian, Taras is going to be just fine, and I’m just trying to keep up!

Kickboxing with Denis – We’re on month two of kickboxing training with our coach Denis. He certainly turned up the heat on us this month but we keep returning for more. This month, I learned that if you kick a heavy bag the wrong way you can feel like you broke your foot. Fortunately, the throbbing and soreness subsided sans injury. And now Zoryana and Nazar are getting interested in kickboxing too! 

Zoryana’s birthday/March 8th: Zoryana turned six years old on February 25th! She had a little celebration with cake at school and we celebrated with our family over Zoom when she returned home. Then we did a “Zoryana Day” where she skipped school and went on a toy “shopping spree” in Kyiv. This month, we also celebrated International Women’s Day which is taken very seriously in Ukraine and is also our engagement anniversary (14 years!). 

Random:

-Tatiana was persistent and the kids now enjoy eating holodets aka cold meat jelly. It’s still a hard pass for me.

-Ukraine’s Daylight Savings Time is later than Daylight Savings Time in the US. So we have two weeks of a six hour time difference vs the usual seven hour difference!

-Kyiv and surrounding areas are back on a three-week lockdown due to COVID-19 that started on March 21st. Only .2 of Ukraine’s population has been vaccinated so far.

-I listen to “Radio Miami” when I’m driving the kids to and from school. On one of the days, Anderson Paak came on the radio and this is what happened…..